Warning: Lots of crack shit
Summary: 5/20 we created five sentence fics from prompts C gave us, here is the crack shit I came up with haha.
1. Go to Chapel
"Oh, I'm going to go to chapel all right." Ed declared, eyeing Roy in his sexy black suit, "And praise whatever God made you." Roy, who was looking in the mirror as he adjusted his collar, rolled his eyes. "Can you please not do that?" He asked, "We are going to CHURCH to watch your BROTHER get MARRIED, we need to act like we are not sinners for once in our life.”. Edward licked his lips, "How can I not be a sinner when you look so damn good in a black suit." He replied, all sorts of dirty thoughts going through his mind. They were both quiet for a minute, before Ed turned back to Roy, “So we are definitely fuckin’ during the reception, right?” He asked. “Oh, fuck yeah we are.” Roy replied.
2. “Think about it, lots of things you can do with a pocket watch.”
“But we could-“ Roy started, eyeing Ed as he sat on the other side of the bed, back towards him. “No.” Edward replied quickly, shutting the man down, Roy scooted closer to him, reaching out to brush their hands together. "Think about it. Lots of things you can do with a pocket watch.” Roy started, brushing his thumb on top of Edward’s hand. Edward looked up at him, eyes dark, “Yeah, and mine houses all my sins.” Edward replied in a hollow voice, “So no, fuck whatever you were thinking we could do with my pocket watch.” He quickly got up from the bed, walking out the room and slamming the door.
3. Fullmetal Fist
“I swear to god, I will shove my Fullmetal fist up your ass if you do not stop.” Edward stated simply, his eyes focused on Roy who sat on the other end of the couch. “What?” Roy asked, “I am merely sitting here minding my own business.” Edward glared at him, “You know good well what you are doing.” Roy grinned, “And do tell what would that be?” Edward wanted to scream, “FUCKING AIRDROPPING ME PICTURES OF ARMSTRONG IN A BIKINI!!!!” He shouted.
4. Got Milk?
“Oh my gooooddd!” Edward moaned, soft little whines escaping him as he felt Roy suck his dick even harder, “F-Fuck!” Roy smirked slightly, Edward length between his lips as he proceeded to suck him harder. “Got milk, baby?” Roy asked, voice muffled slightly as his mouth was full. Edward got quiet, all sex appeal lost. “I swear to god, I will never let you suck me off again if you bring that fucking vile drink into our sex life.”
5. Mother? October 3rd? I can't remember the prompt for this one.
Roy knew this was a long dreaded day, and Edward never enjoyed to face a problem head on as much as he enjoyed running from it. But Roy was an expert at finding him now, and so when he found Edward sitting by the small stream near their house. “My love, running will not stop me from sharing your pain.” Roy said, taking slow steps towards his lover. Edward merely sniffed in response, “it’s not really running when I know you’ll find me.” Roy smiled sadly, taking a seat next to his love and wrapping an arm around him. “She’d be happy, love.”
“Fuck you and your kinks, Roy.” Edward grumbled, staring at the small skirt in his hand, “This won’t even go over my ASS.” Roy sighed, “Edward thats the fucking point!!” He replied, “it would look sexy as hell!” Edward sent Roy a hard stare, “no it’ll make me feel fat and then I’ll bitch at you all day.” Edward replied, throwing the skirt at Roy, “No thanks, fuck your miniskirts.” Roy let out a loud whine, falling back on the bed dramatically, “NO!!! You HAVE to wear this!!” Edward rolled his eyes, “Can’t we just have normal sex!?”
7. Out of Lube
“Roy, we are out of fucking lube.” Edward declared one morning as he was rummaging though the bedside table. Roy, who was looking through his the dresser as he picked out some clothes, smirked. “Well, it’s probably because we are always fucking and therefore always fucking using it.” He replied with ease. Edward slammed the bedside table draw shut, “I fucking hate you and your good wordplay.” Edward replied, “But good one, definitely a ten out of ten.”
“Roy…” Edward moaned beneath Roy, “Please..”. Roy merely shook his head, hating every moment of this conversation, “No, Edward, I am not doing that.” He replied, “Their are lots of things I’m willing to do, but not this, not this.” Edward wanted to scream, kicking his legs slightly, “But, it’d feel so good..” He whined. Roy practically threw him self up from the bed, “HELL no Edward, those gloves are the bane of my existence, don’t you know what I’ve done with those gloves!?” Roy shouted, his back turned to the blond on the bed, he was quiet for a moment, before going back to the bed and taking his lovers delicate face in his hands. “You are the BEST thing that’s ever happened to me, I am not tainting you with those fucking gloves.” Roy said, planing a soft kiss on Edward’s lips.
9. Inside Ed’s Pockets
Edward’s pockets in his coats are like black holes, and sometimes Roy is shocked to not find the fucking door to the gate in Edward’s coat pocket. Pens, pens that have exploded, pens that have exploded ON ROY’S HAND, condoms, weird nicknacks Elysia gives him, etc. This time though, when Roy reached into Ed’s pocket for a piece of gum and found a small jewelry box, to which he opened it and found a simple gold band, “Edward, what the hell is this?” Roy asked, looking up at the blonde in shock. Edward scoffed, “What, can’t I fucking ask you to m-marry me?” Edward asked, stumbling slight over his words, “Oh shit, I was suppose to like get down on one knee, fuck I suck at this shit.” Roy’s heart felt so damn full for the first time in his life.
10. Automail Dick
“Hmm, looks like Winry has sent us a package.” Roy said, looking at Edward for some clarification, as Winry didn’t often send them mail or packages. “Hey, don’t look at me I’m just as lost as you.” Edward replied, wondering what the hell winry had sent them, “Oh look, it has a note with it.” Edward noticed as Roy had opened the box. Roy grabbed it, “It says ‘here you filthy fucking animals, so you can stop tainting the beautiful arm I made for your gross kinks.’” Roy felt his cheeks turning a deep shade of pink. “Is that…what I think it is?” Edward asked, almost afraid to look in the box, Roy took a chance, peeking in, “Yeah it’s an automail dildo.”
11. Ed and Roy discover Fanfiction
“Roy WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!” Edward practically screamed in Roy’s ear, peering over his shoulder to see what in the world Roy was looking at on his laptop. Roy shrugged, “Not sure, Maes told me to check out this site and put our names in it.” He replied, quickening typing their names with a ‘slash’ between this as Maes had told him, “Oh my god.” He breathed, scrolling through the results that came up. “What the fuck..” Edward breathed, looking at their names coming up in some, provocative stories, “Wait, Roy go back, read that one.” Edward suggested, they were both quiet for a bit, reading through the story, “Shit, these people have good ideas, we should try them.” Roy said, “Hell yeah.” Edward replied, “Fuck, can we try some now?”, Edward suggested, grinding his lower body into Roy’s back to suggest it some more. “i don’t need to be asked twice,” Roy breathed huskily, “On your back, NOW.”
12. 520 cenz
Edward had been rather quiet, which worried Roy, when Edward was quiet he was either brewing or his cup was about to run over or somewhere in the middle, and Roy struggled to figure out which it was today. So, he decided to let Edward do his thing, run from his problems and venture to his favorite stream, while Roy stayed put in his large new office. Edward would come when he was ready, Roy always knew his blond love would come back to him. Hours passed, and the sun was setting when Edward wondered his way back into Roy’s office, where he slowly walked towards Roy. “Hey, bastard.” Edward started, which made Roy turn as his once overused nickname had not been used in many years, “Yes, Shrimp?” Roy countered back, sending him his trade mark grin, Edward grinned, “I think I owe you some change.”. Roy smiled, watching as Edward walked towards him before throwing himself into his lovers arms, grabbing a hand and shoving a handful of coins into Roy’s plan, “We fuckin made it.” Edward whispered as his lips connected to Roys.